I’m the only Black person in a group. A fact usually less salient as my Blackness is generally accepted, acknowledged, and integrated into groups I choose. I distinguish genuine interest and awareness from performative or clueless interaction. So, I was discomfited by a group member’s appreciation in the closing.
…I’m intimidated by you…you are so articulate….
Do not say these things to Black women. Even if they are true. I am incredulous that a seasoned person could imagine she was being kind, affirming, or any other deluded self-assessment short of racist.
But she didn’t mean it. She had no malice. I believe that. Yet she lives in this world, in the US, where the fortitude required to live as an independent being despite the obstacles placed before women of color is alchemically transformed into intimidation of others.
I am articulate. I express myself as clearly as I’m able because I was/am often misinterpreted. But so articulate? What was expected? What bar was exceeded? Not the same as more articulate than me, though if I squint, I imagine that’s what she meant.
You’re being so/too sensitive. Well, I have fine-tuned antenna. In my early professional life, I got countless “compliments” about being “so articulate” as did other Black people who were often the only or one of a few. They marveled, gob smacked that I could express complex thoughts. Not what they expected from someone who looked like me. Clue – none of the white people ever got the same comment even if I was quoting them.
Those early days also revealed an intimidating persona who was me being clear, or standing up for myself when no one else would. Or knowing what I wanted. It was always white women who were intimidated and wanted, by implication, never directly as that would have been too “strong”, for me to tone myself down. Asking me to be smaller so they could feel bigger. Nope. I’m game to support but will not be subordinated.
I thought I had curated my social and professional circles with people who know better. This incident rudely revealed there are people still cluelessly offering racist projections as observations, blithely swinging a cultural scythe at the confidence of their colleagues. Sometimes they scratch and sometimes they draw blood, requiring us once again to withstand ignorance or malevolence, to metabolize another blow and thereby create the strength they find so intimidating as we articulately defend ourselves.
- What racialized or gendered “feedback” have you offered or received?
- How do you know the “feedback” is less about the individual than about the expectations of the group?